Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
