you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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