I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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