I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just cropdusted the office
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
