i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize