So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
