2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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