he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
