god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
