Everything about him screamed your future.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
