why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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