No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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