Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
