xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize