I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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