... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
