it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
