worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
