I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize