i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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