I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
