roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
