Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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