she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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