Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
