wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
