I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina is officially offended.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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