I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
