eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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