You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
