I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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