what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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