Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
