My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
