uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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