I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
