I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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