Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
