The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
