Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize