I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
