Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
