i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
