i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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