Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
