wat bout pragnant strippers??
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
