did you get engaged???
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
