My room smells like vodka and shame
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
