We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
