She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am available for nakedness
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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