Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Never underestimate the power of titties
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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