Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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