So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
