dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
