i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
