she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
