I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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