When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
