Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
