can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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