Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
