I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
