So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
