Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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