Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
