I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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