She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
