Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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