How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
