Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
