He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
