Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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