Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
