Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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