Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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