The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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