Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt

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(503): View more from Oregon

Swine flu is the new snow day.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am

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(706): View more from Georgia

Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?

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(914): View more from New York

He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.

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(303): View more from Colorado

you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.

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