Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
