We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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