Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
